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글 수 25

신뢰의 공동체에 대한 묵상

 

 

파커 파머가 숨겨진 전체성과 관련하여 영혼을 이야기 했을 때 처음에 그것이 무얼 뜻하는지 파악하기가 어려웠다. 뭔가 내면적인 것이라는 막연한 감각이 없었던 것은 아니었지만 이해를 넘어 경험세계에서 그것을 다루어 본 적이 없었기 때문이었다.

 

마음비추기 계절피정을 만난 이후, 뭔가 내면의 중심과 그 공간에 대한 주목하기가 일어나면서 영혼의 내면성과 성실성에 대한 자장력 있는 부름이 나를 감싸면서 이에 대한 매료와 보이지 않는 손짓이 점점 다가오는 느낌이 생기기 시작했지만 그건 또한 모호한 손짓이어서 보이지 않는 얼굴로 저 멀리 있었을 뿐이었다.

 

작년부터 서클로 하는 인문학 독서모임을 시작하고 금년 봄에 파머의 <온전한 삶으로의 여행>을 매주 한 장씩 읽어가면서 자신의 내면을 돌아보기 시작하는 약간의 경험들이 일어나기 시작했다. 이 두 마음비추기 진행자 과정과 독서모임을 통해 그 영혼의 목소리가 형체는 없지만 다가오는 것은 바로 서클로 앉아 있는 참여자들의 존재, 침묵, 말이 다가옴, 명료화 모임에서의 기다림과 에너지의 흐름 그리고 서클을 통해 내 내면에서 반향하는 그 어떤 울림이 접촉되는 것을 느끼게 된 것이다.

 

난 파머가 영혼을 수줍어하는 야생동물로 비유하고 숲속 깊숙히 있으면서 가만히 지켜보고 있을 때에야 잠시 출현한다는 비유에서 뭔가 다가왔다. 그리고 최근에 독서모임에서 깊음이 깊음에 말하기장에서 읽은 지성, 에고 그리고 영혼의 진실은 각기 다르며, 영혼의 진실은 마치 연못에 잔물결을 일으키지 않을 때나타난다는 진술로부터 갑자기 뭔가 확연히 다가오는 개운함이 있었다.

 

영혼과 공동체간이 관계에 대한 나 나름의 이해는 바로 야생동물과 숲의 관계에 있어서 상호의존성의 통찰에 기인한다. 야생동물이 주인공 영혼이고 숲이 뒷배경이라는 인식이 아니라, 숲의 현존은 야생동물의 존재를 무제약적으로 불러낸다는 의미에 대한 인식이 그것이다. 또한 연못이라는 영혼에 잔물결을 일으키지 않는 것은 단순히 영혼 그 자체의 독자성에 대한 것이 아니라 연못의 투명성이 사물의 실재를 투명하게 드러낸다는 점에서 영혼으로서의 연못의 실재와 그 주변의 실상들의 상호포섭과 상호침투에 대한 이해로 이어진 것이다.

 

내가 왜 혼자서의 묵상보다 더 쉽게 신뢰의 서클에서 더욱 내 존재에 대한 감각이 더욱 밀도가 깊게, 그리고 나의 내면의 소리의 울림이 더욱 큰 소리로 접촉하고 듣게 되는지 이해가 가기 시작했다. 타자의 내면에서 방사되어 나오는 말걸음으로 어떻게 내 내면이 예민하게 바로미터 떨리듯 흔들리면서 인식과 가슴의 공간을 확장시키면서 더 큰 실재에 대한 접촉을 고지(告知)하는지 깨닫게 된 것이다. 여기서 듣는 것과 보는 것이 통합되고 교호하면서 혹은 당신을 넘어 감추어진 전체성으로서의 더 큰 실재의 오로라를 감지하게 된다. 이것이 공동체가 자신을 열어 펼쳐보이는 더 큰 실재로서의 공동체인 셈이다.

 

신뢰의 서클에서 펼쳐지는 '공간(space)'은 물리적인 비어있는 공간의 개념이 아니다. 파머가 진실의 직조(타페스트리)에 의해 펼쳐지는 것으로 말한 이 공간은 빛과 어둠, 고통과 은총, 추락과 고양의 역설들이 살아 춤추며 일어나는 충일(充溢)과 상입(相入)의 자각과 에너지로 흐르면서 각자는 전체 컨테이너의 한 부분으로서 서로를 반영하면서 자신을 (I)’라는 명사에서 각존의 나(I-AM)'라는 동사로서 변형시킨다. 내 안에 전체와 전체속에 나에 대한 감각을 불러일으키면서 몰입,’ ‘흐름,’ ‘일치,’ ‘말없는 평온함,’ 그리고 충분한 여기있음에 머무는 이상스러운 열린 공간경험을 하게 된다. 그것이 공동체 구성원이 함께 창조하는 안전한 공간에서 일어나는 내용이다.

 

내 안의 고통과 그림자가 둘러선 참가자들의 현존에 의해 마치 각자가 거울로 있어서 나와 너의 말걸음이 - 이건 단순히 말(word)이 아니다. 생명을 나누는 말(Word)이다- 둘러선 거울들로 인해 나에게 다시 되 비추이면서 말은 껍질을 벗고 생명의 본래 에너지로 전신을 투과하며 생각의 덫 아래의 존재의 바탕을 흔든다. 그 때 갑자기 전체 공간은 꽉 차 있는 존재력이라는 팽팽한 밀도 속에서 자신이 통합되어 참여하고 있는 듯한, ‘시간없는공간의 자기장을 경험하는 것이다.

 

말이 침묵을 불러오고, 침묵은 말을 불러낸다. 슬픔, 고통 그리고 취약성은 부드러운 자비와 초월을 타고 흐른다. 저항하기가 변하면서 받아들임으로 이어지고, 명료화모임의 중심인물의 경험이 보여주듯이 자유가 운명을 만나 새로운 선택을 열어준다. 이것이 신뢰의 공동체가 홀로 그리고 더불어 있으면서, 자신이 현존과 각자의 내면의 진실성으로 이루는 잠재된 가능성의 실현이다.

 

안전한 공간은 그냥 주어지는 것이 아니다. 서클 구성원들이 자신의 중심과 서클의 중심을 붙잡고 유지함(holding)'으로 출현한다. 그리고 공동체로 인해 형성한 안전한 공간은 실재의 본래의 모습인 감추어진 전체성에 대한 방향감각을 보여주고 이를 맛보도록 초대한다. 신뢰이 공동체가 형성하는 안전한 공간은 정지상태의 것이 아니다. 이는 마치 각자의 존재와 진실의 말걸음으로 형성된 통찰과 에너지의 충만으로 인해 전류가 흐르면서 각자를 실재의 전체성으로 몰입시킨다.

 

그 한 예로 내가 중심인물이 되었을 때, 질문에 의해 나는 현재 내 내면의 중심에서 과거와 미래로 의식을 펼쳐 내고, 표면적 이유이면에 동기와 가치, 그리고 희망을 현재로 끌어와 들여다보면서 나의 활동공간과 시간 그리고 정체성에 대한 팽창된 인식을 갖는다. 질문들은 이런 입체적인 자기탐구의 공간을 마련하고 이를 확대시키고 여러 각도에서 표면적인 문제상황을 꽤뚫고 들어가 전체의 시각에서 그 상황을 재정위시킨다. 그것이 바로 실재의 중심에서 나의 중심을 바라 볼 수 있는 기회를 얻는 것이다. 여기서 직면한 것에 대한 생각의 프레임에 대한 재구조화와 의미의 출현이 일어나면서 선택과 헌신이 가능해지게 된다.

 

신뢰의 서클에서는 개별 중심이 전체 중심에게 말을 걸게 되고, 더 큰 중심의 한 중심으로 전환된다. 이 동심원적인 시각을 통해 개별 중심과 전체중심이 통합되면서 얻게 된 더 큰 중심의 감각이 이제는 자기 인생의 신발 끈을 다시 묶고 걸어갈 수 있게 한다. 그리고 그 걸음은 새로운 운명을 형성한다. 이렇게 개별 중심과 전체 중심은 뫼비우스 고리처럼 서로에게 침투하면서 전체에 대한 감각을 회복시키면서 자각, 방향 그리고 헌신에의 파동을 불러일으킨다.

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Joseph

2019.09.15 21:06:05
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